You know who’s guaranteed to survive the zombie apocalypse? Macaulay Culkin. Anyone who’s watched the Home Alone movies will know that when it comes to repelling unwanted guests, that kid knows his stuff. Though what if your unwanted guests aren’t bumbling burglars but rather a horde of the brain-hungry undead? Not a problem; just follow these tips and you’ll be safe as houses. Note that the vast majority of this advice is likely to invalidate your home insurance policy, but seeing as civilization would have collapsed at this point it’s the least of your worries.
Cover your entry points
Zombies aren’t all that smart, but they use their persistence and sheer force of numbers to batter doors and windows in search of lunch. The best way to fight against this is to barricade all but one of your doors and windows, and put your final ‘access door’ under heavy guard. You can barricade your entry points from the inside using furniture, and you can employ the tried and tested nails and wooden planks method to secure them from the outside.
Secure the perimeter
So you’ve fortified your doors and windows, that’s great, but do you really want the zombie horde to even get that far? Depending on what kind of house you live in, you might not have much of a perimeter to secure, but do your best. If you have a front or rear garden, dig a deep ditch running parallel to the wall of your house to catch any wandering zombies (for bonus points, line the bottom of the pit with spikes to put an end to any that fall in).
Make sure that you trim any tall hedges and thick bushes surrounding your house, as they could be obscuring potential threats. It would also be beneficial to install a motion detection security light to ensure the area around your house is clear of the undead at all times. If you have a security alarm, switch it off. The last thing you want is to attract more hungry zombies to your home.
Last line of defence
It might happen that, despite your best efforts, the undead are too great in number and breach your defences. If they manage to get into your home and there are too many to take down, you need a final fall-back area. This will either be an attic or a basement; a place where you can completely shut yourself off for a while until things quiet down a little. Make sure you stock your fall-back shelter with at least three days’ worth of food and water and torches or candles for light.
If you don’t have an attic or a basement, one thing you can do is make your upstairs area your final fall-back by destroying your staircase and using a ladder to ascend. If you’re using it as a fall-back area, just pull the ladder up and you’re safe from their reach. If you live in a bungalow, then you’re going to have a tough time. Consider finding someone a nearby abandoned house that can be secured more efficiently.
Jamie Gibbs is the resident blogger and zombie survival expert for home insurance comparison site Confused.com. He has several plans for surviving the zombie apocalypse, though most of them involve a nearby pub.
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