Ages ago, when St. Hallmark created Valentine’s Day, I’m sure he intended it to be a celebration of love and appreciation. Unfortunately, modern times have convoluted this original and liberating message. Being in a romantic relationship is no indication of how full someone’s life is, but contemporary Valentine’s Day has made the 14th of February for couples only. Here is a list of few things to do if you find yourself alone on Valentine’s Day:
1. Emotionally eat. This is how all the best people deal with overwhelming emotions that are completely self-manufactured. Hang out with Ben & Jerry—they understand and so does double chocolate chuck. There is nothing that goes better with pie than another pie. Spoil yourself, you deserve it. That bathrobe is looking a little tight. Undo that belt and get yourself another bowl. Good.
2. Watch the saddest movie you can find. Suggestions: Requiem for a Dream, Sophie’s Choice or Schindler’s List. In fact—just turn off all your lights and make it a day-long marathon.
3. Blame something else for your loneliness. Make it something illogical that you have power over. Decide your motor oil, uninstalled garage door opener or the dust on your replica of Sputnik are responsible. Get that motor oil changed. Install that garage door opener. This makes the holiday productive as well as therapeutic. But on second thought, the dust on Sputnik is a pretty solemn symbol of your unquenched nostalgia for the Russian Space Program. Leave it there, it’s keeping you company.
4. Welcome physical pain. Go get that vaccination, fill that cavity or wax your whatever. It doesn’t matter. Pain is just weakness leaving your body. And love can leak through a cavity faster than someone can order two pizzas for herself. Being dentally hygienic, vaccinated and hairless attracts love. You’ll never be alone again.
5. Reminisce on failed relationships of yesteryear. How many dating mistakes have you made in the past year? Count them. Over analyzing is good here. There is a reason no one can love you. It’s in there somewhere. If you can’t find it, wait until 3 AM and call your ex’s, they’ll know.
It’s ok if your day isn’t the best. Valentine’s Day is only pleasing to florists and chocolate makers; you never had a chance anyway. Sorry.
Danielle is an avid reader, writer and knitter. She blogs on behalf of Sears and other great brands she uses. Despite the rumors, Danielle only has two cats. Did you hear me?! TWO.
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St. Hallmark, ha! Is it a coincidence that Valentine’s Day is preceded by Groundhog Day? Clue that your love life is always going to repeat, again and again? Wondering why the Valentine’s Day version of Santa — cherub? — always brings you the same thing? There is someone for everyone, they say. Wouldn’t a selection be better?
Astro Gremlin recently posted..When the Going Gets Tough
Twitter: lunaticgamers
says:
Hi Danielle.
It will be better if you don’t celebrate Valentine days and go on a vacation to Malaysia. Less people celebrate Valentine day over here.
Ahmad recently posted..100 dollars watermelon note for auction
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says:
Ohh, Danielle! What was that? I cannot stop laughing here.
It’d be a better idea to write something like “How not to be alone on valentine’s day”.
You are welcome on my blog to write. But this post was seriously funny. Emotionally eat! I never heard that. LOL
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